Adventures in Estrogen: Single White Female

During my first class at University, I lived with a menagerie of unique people but the red on top of the crazy cake was a sad and strange girl by the list of Candice. When we first met her, it was still evident from her strength and awkward body language that she was far off from her comfort zone. It is true that we were all experiencing a new chapter in our lives as we begun our first couple years of University, but with Candice, it was an all new world.

She didn`t really respond to normal social graces like the balance of us, and by the end of the 1st week, we jokingly came to the end that she must get either had absolutely no friends in high school or she was, in fact, born yesterday. I recognize that appearances are not important, but I find I should at least have a brief description in rank to key a virtual image of this girl. She had a consistency like none I had seen before; if I were to do an elementary outline of her, it would resemble a square skillet with a handle. Her legs were average, along with her arse but then from nowhere the upper region of her body transformed into a giant block - the same width and height. It was as if her jeans would have been a size 8/10 and her tops were a 16/18 - with no waist whatsoever. Her mind was then positioned directly on top of this stoppage of a body with no neck either. Although she was naturally a blonde (I think), she had further bleached her hair to the steer that it was scorched into a frizzy straw-like mop. Finally, she suffered from Rosacea that created almost perfect blotches on her cheeks that made her seem like a permanently painted marionette - and this only worsened when she got embarrassed or upset. When she arrived, it was like she had done research on what a "University student" should receive or should do - maybe she watched a combining of Saved By The Bell: The College Years and Sex and the City - who knows. The first thing she did was to carry out a Pink Floyd poster and put in on the fence in the green room. When we were through with all our different tastes, it was as if the walls were covered in a hodgepodge of pop culture vomit, so the Pink Floyd poster fit in just fine. She also broke out her "grannie smokes" or "bitch sticks" (super loose and slim cigarettes) and awkwardly lit one; it was as if it was the foremost one she`d always had. When the coffee had brewed, she added at least 3 heaping spoons of sugar (I lost count after 3) and milk. Now, most of this might not look too unusual, except shortly after, it all began to change. It had been near a month when a radical of us were hanging out in the green area, smoking and hearing to the radio. "Money" came on and one of the guys turned to Candice and mentioned, "Hey, you must know this song!" She looked confused and replied, "Why?" He then equally looked confused and answered, "Um. because it`s Pink Floyd? Aren`t they your favorite band?" Her red blotches quickly erupted as she got flustered, "Oh, ya, r-right. of course." I could tell right off that she had no fucking clue that it was a Pink Floyd song. the most Celebrated one as well. I don`t know squat about that band, and yet I knew that song. We eventually learned that she bought the bill because of some guy that worked with her dad had a Pink Floyd tattoo - and so later more digging, we learned that he was like FORTY and also married. Eww. Weird. We were just capable to get this information because she had taken a strike to one of our other housemates - to put it lightly - and had begun to expose herself in all her glorious weirdness. This other housemate was very bubbly, pretty and friendly with everyone and I guess she was the 1st person that ever showed Candice any kind of comradery in her life. She began to follow Andrea around like a small puppy dog. She switched to the same sword of strong cigarettes as her, and started drinking her coffee black - just like Andrea. Now, if you have always had coffee, you will acknowledge that shift from triple sugar and milk to black is HUGE; I shiver at the thought. Andrea wasn`t without her own issues, and she pretty much ate nothing but microwave popcorn - so Candice also changed her diet. during the day, anyway. At night, usually after Andrea had gone to bed, she would binge eat as if she was a starving, savage animal. It was distressing to watch - especially when she would actually work the leftover chicken fat right off her plate! She never even noticed us or cared that we stared at her in horror while she engaged in one of these scoff n` snort fests.

She also dyed her parched hair a darker golden blonde. surprise. to be more like Andrea`s colour. It so turned up a further level of creepiness when she openly started to produce a crush on the same guy as Andrea - as if she and Andrea fused into one person. The transformation happened faster than we could say "Single White Female"!

By the Christmas break, it was obvious that Andrea had a serious stalker issue on her hands, but she was too squeamish to do anything around it. Sometimes, we often thought that she actually enjoyed having a "pet" - a certified pet, but a pet none the less. Candice started to go openly rude with the balance of us. We gathered it was because we were also friends with Andrea - and the time that we spent with her interfered with her special one-on-one time where she could have Andrea all to herself.

One afternoon, she had brought home 3 targets. Apparently, she had departed to the gun range with her mother and those targets were her results. Um. so. what do you think she did with them? She friggin` hung them over her friggin` bed! We joked that when her door was closed, she put one of our faces on apiece of the 3 targets - but in reality we were getting nervous. For the first time that year, we started to engage our bedroom doors at night. If we always precious to go out for drinks with Andrea, we would contrive to leave separately and fill up in the parking lot - so she wouldn`t know that we were going together - and Andrea would give her some bullshit about having to run errands so she wouldn`t need to go with her. It was young of us, but since we were all afraid of confronting her (especially since she had a gun club membership), we only did what was easiest.

We danced around her compulsion for the end of the class and soon exams distracted us with more important things. We kept locking our doors at nighttime and definitely looked forward to getting out from her - but not as often as Andrea was, I`m certain of it. Oddly enough, Candice was from the same small town as that fucked up guy that ever came over to our site to have a shit! Coincidence? I`m thinking a big fat NO! (See No Coffee? No Cigarettes? No Entry!)